It`s been awhile since my last entry here. It seems unbelievable, that 4 months have passed by without noticing. The end of the last yeas was difficult: weather turned grey again and mood started to take different shades of grey as well. It is the feeling in the end of the year, when you review last years resolutions and admit that you have failed in every single one. Year 2015 began with big failure. I tried to change the world, but nobody wanted change. I had to change myself or resign. I tried to leave everything behind and decided to escape to the most beautiful ashram in Bali. Although the place is heaven on earth, I couldn`t find peace, because you can`t escape from yourself. So I was wondering all the time what could have been, if I had done this and that and on the same time was trying to figure out what`s going to happen in the future. Same thoughts were going up every day and night and there were only few days before departure I could switch off my mind and enjoy my yoga practice, amazing surrounding, food and lovely people. I came back, worked a bit, but most of the time was trying to figure out what to do with my life. I decided to take a sabbatical for the summer and did everything I hadn`t got time for years. It was great summer! Then the season changed , autumn came, and weather turned grey again. I was still thinking and wondering day by day what to do with my life. I had many choices, but couldn`t decide, which was the right one. I ran 4-5 times a week and practised yoga almost every day, but nothing changed: I didn`t get stronger, thinner nor more flexible, I failed and couldn`t even do asanas I did before. The season changed again. All of sudden it was cold and everything turned white. Things started to settle down- one after another. Today, when I was walking around, it suddenly hit me. Am I living a life I have dreamed of? I don`t have to be in the office from 8 to 5 any more, I can plan my time. I dreamed of having different kind of jobs. Now I have several jobs: I still teach at the university, but also work as a prenatal yoga teacher in a beautiful studio in downtown, as well as I love to teach vinyasa classes to my yogis and yoginis in my hometown studios and can share my practice with my little yogis. I have dreamed of helping rural areas in their development and had an idea of working with youth policy. And that`s exactly what I am doing right now. I have followed my path and everything is happening right now. It is real, I live in my dreams right now. But life is not that simple. Dreams are in constant change, they grow, change and multiple. Some of them are in clear shape, but some still form and forming process is complicated and painful. You don``t know any more if they are your dreams or how these dreams fit into your current life where other dreams are just happening. Soon you discover that you are analysing past again and living in the future. But life has other plans for you. It is the same with yoga. You can push really hard, but nothing happens. And then you will start to quiet your mind, let everything go, surrender and out of blue everything happens. In sudden, you are stronger, more flexible and can do things you never dreamed of. I can`t still do the handstand, but I am curious when it`s going to happen. Be patient. Viimasest kirjutisest on möödunud 4 kuud.
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Lately I` ve been thinking, whether is it possible to be happy all the time.Studies have shown that Estonians are relatively happy as a nation. Happiness among Estonians is related to its place in society, income and faith in democracy. Estonian famous writer Tammsaare has written, if you work hard then love and happiness will follow, but work doesn`t make Estonian happy, income increases happiness. Money can buy you illusion of happiness, even when it`s temporary. Living together with a partner doesn`t make Estonian happy, but having children can boost happiness level. Studies don`t t speak about it, but I have noticed that the merriest times in Estonia are from May till August (vacation, sun and grill), friday and payday. The rest of the time many of us wait patiently for friday, payday and holiday. Which of course does not mean. that happiness can not be felt occasionally, I believe that many people don`t ever think whether they are happy or not. My grandmother turned 99 on last Saturday, and I don`t know whether she is happy or not- we have never discussed it and frankly, I do not dare to ask. Maybe she hasn`t thought about it, but maybe she is the happiest person in the world. Happiness is a personal issue and in Estonia, it`s not common to discuss it. Researchers have found that happiness consists of two aspects, how satisfied are you with your life (finding meaning in your life) and how do you feel on a daily basis (more positive emotions than negative). Studies also have shown, that if you are trying desperately to be happy all the time, then very soon, you no longer know how to be happy, because nothing is sufficient for the happiness. So being happy all the time isn`t actually healthy and it is quite normal that you do not feel it all the time. On moments, when you feel that there is nothing in your life to be happy for, teach you the real happiness. How to appreciate and be grateful for all the tiny things in your life. It is possible to practice happiness on a daily basis by keeping awareness on your emotions without judging them. You have right to be sad or angry, but it doesn`t mean that your life is sad or you are an angry person. It is only your current situation and sooner or later it will pass. It may be stormy, but it never rains forever. You can remind yourself that one thing every day that makes you happy and grateful here and now. Even when it's not anything special. Scientists say that continuous practice of happiness increases lasting happiness and if there are more moments of happiness, the happier your life will feel. We were celebrating my grannys 99th birthday with this delicious happy carrot cake. Ma olen viimasel ajal I've been a sugar-addict since childhood. Our dear grandmother worked in the Estonian famous candy-factory "Kalev", therefore we had loads of chocolate at home. Our whole family loves sugar. My sister had a special talent to find all the hidden candy bags. My husband is also sugar-addict, he can eat whole day just chocolate and other sweets (without gaining weight). In the mornings, I was craving for sugar. After waking up, I wanted something sweet to eat immediately. Marshmallow kind of dessert for pre-breakfast and a dessert after lunch or dinner. Since I am gluten and lactose intolerant and do not eat meat, sugar was like a small treat for me. At one point, I felt that things were getting little bit out of hands: my skin and body did not feel good any more. In addition, sugar causes a roller coaster of emotions, if you are getting it, you feel happy and without it, you feel angry. So I decided to give up sugar. At first, it was very difficult and I had massive fight with myself, especially when you have lot of chocolate at home and your partner is enjoying all the sweets. But I had to take myself together. The trick is, if you eat less, you will want less. One moment the massive hunger for sugar disappeared. Here are some of my personal observations while quitting sugar: 1. The more sugar you consume, the more you want 2. If after a meal there is a need for sweets, then your meal is nutrient poor, whether there is a lack of fat, fiber or protein 3. A much healthier sugar substitute is good fat ( all nuts, avocado, coconut, oil, etc.). Have a tbsp peanut butter almond butter instead (make yourself!) 4. A good night`s sleep. When I don`t sleep well, I could eat sugar a whole day. Same thing is when you have a headache. I've taken dark chocolate or maple syrup as a substitute for sugar 5. Water. Well, it is an old story. When the body gets less water, it wants more sugar. In any case, I haven`t managed 100% to avoid sugar because sugar is hidden everywhere, but as preparing my meals by myself, the result of almost 95%. Besides, after all, you can have sugar sometimes, but you have to take into consideration that if you give your finger to sugar, it takes the whole hand and soon everything starts all over again :) Ma olen lapsest saati olnud magusasõber. Muidugi aitas sellele kaasa meie kallis vanaema, kes töötas Kalevis ja seetõttu kommi oli meil kodus palju, väga palju! I love slow mornings, when you have time for a full breakfast with porridge, eggs, sandwiches and coffee (or two) and a plenty of time to enjoy the food and silence. Looking nowhere, thinking nothing, sitting quietly, enjoying the moment of stillness. This is my time for meditation, even if I drink my coffee at the same time:) It definitely makes me a better person for a whole day! When I had busy mornings at the office, no time for breakfast nor coffee, meetings started at 8 or 9, I was feeling distracted all day long. If I had a chance, I sneaked into my office, closed the door and enjoyed my 10 minutes of silence there. Sometimes I waited a whole day, to have my time and to empty the mind. I believe that every person needs a moment of silence in a day, wherever, however or whenever they like it. It helps you clear your mind and start fresh again. Summer finally arrived to Estonia in August and it is the time to celebrate it with the delicious summer roll-cake! I decorated balcony of our summer cottage already in June, but due to cold weather, we can enjoy it now:) Slow mornings with roll cake at my balcony! What a life! Ma armastan hommikuid, mis algavad aeglaselt, kui on aega üheks korralikuks hommikusöögiks munade, pudru, kohvi ja kõige muu heaga:) Kui on aega nautida toitu ja vaikust, mõeldes mitte midagi, vaadates mitte kuhugi ja nautida oma aega vaikuses. See on minu meditatsioon, isegi kui ma joon oma hommikukohvi ja ei istu kuskil põrandal silmad kinni, püüdes oma mõtteid vaigistada. See aeg hommikuti muudab mind paremaks inimeseks. Kui mul pole aega ei hommikusöögiks ega kohviks või tööl algasid koosolekud kell 8-9, tundsin, et päev ei ole minu jaoks alanud. Vahel hiilisin 10 minutiks oma kabinetti ja alustasin oma vaikuseminuteid seal või ootasin terve päeva oma joogat, et oma vaikuseminutid kätte saada. Ma usun, et igaüks vajab oma aega, ükskõik millisel ajal, kohas või kuidas sa seda teed. See vaikuseaeg aitab hoida pea puhtana ja mõtte selgena, Eestimaa suvi saabus seekord augustikuus ja seda erilist hetke tuleks kindlasti tähistada ühe võrratu rullikoogiga, miks mitte kaunil suverõdul maakodus. Rõdu oli küll kasutusvalmis juba juunis, aga ilm arvas, et rõduaeg peaks algama ikkagi augustikuus. Aeglased hommikud rullkoogiga minu hipi- pesas:) No on ilus elu küll! Roll cake /Rullkook Super happy and healthy almond meal cookies! Sjuuper pehmed tervislikud mandlijahu küpsised!15/6/2015 After eating breakfast, I was dreaming about cookies. At first I tried to ignore my thoughts, but the picture of fresh, smooth almond meal cookies with raisins, was coming back into my mind. I was struggling with myself for an hour not to go to the kitchen and surrender to cooking, but I couldn`t resist. All my senses cooperated with the cookies and I could already feel the smell of fresh baked cookies in my kitchen. Moreover, who could resist healthy cookies that make your heart warm and belly happy? Peale hommikusööki hakkasid mu peas keerlema pildid mandliküpsistest, mille sisse on sattunud hulganisti rosinaid. Tükk aega proovisin neid ahvatlevaid küpsiseid enda peas ignoreerida ning tegeleda millegi muu olulisega, aga küpsisemõtted tulid ikka ja jälle tagasi. Kõik minu meeled allusid küpsiste manipulatsioonile ning hakkasid küpsistega koostööd tegema. Ühel hetkel tundsin juba köögis värskete küpsiste lõhna ning ma andsin alla. Pealegi, kuidas on võimalik üldse vastu panna tervislikele mandliküpsistele, mis teevad südame soojaks ja kõhu rõõmsaks? |
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